31 Nights of Halloween Horror part 17 - Graduation Day

Graduation Day
96 mins.
Dir. Herb Freed
1981/USA

This month's 80's slasher slot goes to the dreadful Graduation Day.  I just can't get into that 80s slasher genre.  I feel like they rarely deliver enough on what you want or is expected.  There are a few standouts here and there, but the bulk of them have no style or substance and unfortunately Graduation Day is no different.  Let's take a look at how a movie starring Christopher George, Linnea Quigley and Vanna White (yes THE Vanna White) managed to mess things up.

So it is the day of the big race, Laura has to run the 200 meter race in 30 secs.  The crowd cheers her on, "Laura, Laura!"  Her extremely hard driving demanding coach played by the late great Christopher George (Grizzly, City of the Living Dead, Pieces) pushes her harder and harder.  It is the longest 30 second race I have ever seen, as the film is in slow motion and the determination on Laura's face as she pushes and pushes herself harder and harder looks like she just ate McDonalds and she can't keep it in much longer, will she make it?  So close to the finish line and BAM!  She shits her pants all over the place.  Just kidding, that would be awesome though if that happened.  No instead she breaks the tape and the crowd goes wild.  Laura did the 200 meter in 30 seconds.  Then immediately she collapses and dies from a blood clot.  Then she shits her pants because that is what happens when you die.

Laura's sister comes home on leave from the military to pick up Laura's trophy and graduation diploma for whatever reason.  Suddenly people from the track team start dying.  Who could it be?  Is it Laura's boyfriend who was supposed to marry Laura the day after graduation and is pissed at the rest of the track team for pushing her so hard?  Is it Laura's sister Anne who is pissed at the rest of the track team for pushing her sister so hard? Is it Coach George whoo pushes his track team so hard, he uh, wants to kill them?  Is it the principal who is too busy putting the moves on his secretary that he can't control the school so he wants to kill the track team?  Is it the police who are so fucking stupid I don't know how they ever got the job, so they want to kill the track team in frustration?  Is it the music teacher who hits on all his female students, so he uh, wants to kill the track team?  Is it us the audience that hate all these characters so much we just want everyone to die?

It is pretty obvious who the killer is right from the beginning, but we go along for the ride anyway just in case they try and throw in a twist with all their red herrings.  Early on I think to myself, wow this may actually shape up to be an American style Giallo, but nope it quickly turns into dip shit slasher country.  And if you think I am being to hard on this film, there is literally a scene where the detective on the case and Anne are in the school locker room and the detective finds a group picture of the track team with all their faces crossed off in lipstick and he shows it to Anne and asks, "What do you make of this."  Then literally like the next scene or two, that same detective questions Anne and asks, "Who are you, what are you doing here?"  Did he not just see and talk to this girl like two minutes ago?  That is the caliber of film making we are dealing with here.

So scratch the story, that is a bust.  How about the deaths and nudity?  Something has to be redeeming about this movie.  Well two nude scenes, one being Linnea Quigley (surprise) and the deaths, meh.  Guy pole vaults onto a landing of spikes, we just see the aftermath and apparently he never saw it coming when he jumped.  Couple people stabbed with fencing swords in the neck and gut.  But nothing very graphic or enough get you excited and spew chunks.  We are treated to a full song at a roller disco by the band Felony.  Who are they, you ask?  Exactly.  There a couple crazy edits to make you scratch your head as to why they would do that, but over all the entire movie goes nowhere.  All the teachers are sexists, all the students are victims and all the cops are dumb as shit.

I will say I like what they did at the end, and not just because it was the end of the movie.  But the only graduating going on in this film is hopefully us as we graduate to a better movie tomorrow night.  Make sure you stick around to see what it is.  Also cover of movie with axe cracking girls face, not in the film at all.  Sorry to disappoint, but that's what this movie does.