31 Nights of Halloween Horror - Night 25 - Nail Gun Massacre
Nail Gun Massacre
85 minutes
Dir. Terry Lofton
USA/1985
If you think you need a chain saw to have a massacre, think again. Sometimes all you need is a nail gun. And I recommend putting a few in your head as you sit down to this tools gone wrong flick.
Movie opens to a girl getting gang raped by a bunch of construction workers. Next scene one of the constructions workers is at his shack of a home yelling at his fat ugly wife who is hanging up laundry outside. Up sneaks someone in a camouflage outfit wearing a black motorcycle helmet covered in black tape, carrying an air tank on his back and holding a nail gun. End result, everyone ends up full of nails. Next scene, gratuitous nudity shot of chick with fake tits trying to have morning sex in bed with her man. He tells her he promised a friend he would help cut down trees and leaves. Note to self, men are idiots in this movie. Guys are out cutting trees, one guy goes to take a piss and who should show up driving a beat up old tan colored hearse? Our friend the nail gun maniac. Shoots the guy right in the dick. Bam, nailed it. Other one winds up full of nails as well and winds up cutting his own hand off with a chain saw in the process.
And so the cycle goes. Introduce new construction worker characters, enter nail gun man to finish them off. Meanwhile the dumb as nails sheriff in this one horse town and a doctor who dresses in the highest of 80s urban fashion driving a black sports car around, who seems to know more of whats going on then the sherif does, are trying to track down the killer. It's pretty obvious it is only one of two people so there is not much of a mystery going on here. Basically we are just watching to see people get stuck with nails. They never show nails flying out and hitting people because, well you, know, no budget. So what we are left with is just the after effect of bloody people full of nails. Did you know it takes sometimes only two nails to be shot into someone to kill them. And these nails don't even go all the way in, they are all half sticking out of the bodies.
Made cheaply during the height of the VHS boom, this was Terry Lofton's only movie and from the acting in it, many of the actors and actresses first time in front of a camera as well. Entertaining enough if you are a fan of grade Z films. The sheriff drives around in a regualr car, probably because the budget did not allow for a real cop car, the director's grandmother stood in for a scene when the supposed actress did not show up. Blood, nudity, bad acting, pretty much everything you could want in a movie. Gets a little monotonous at times with every scene pretty much being the same just with different people. It all ends with nail gun man being chased by the sheriff and runs up a piece of machinery in a construction site and when he gets to the top, he has nowhere to go so he just falls off to his death. A little anti climatic but, hey at 85 minutes long they had to end this movie at some time. The worst movies are boring movies, so by those standards you have to chalk up Nail Gun Massacre in the win column.
Nail Gun Massacre
85 minutes
Dir. Terry Lofton
USA/1985
If you think you need a chain saw to have a massacre, think again. Sometimes all you need is a nail gun. And I recommend putting a few in your head as you sit down to this tools gone wrong flick.
Movie opens to a girl getting gang raped by a bunch of construction workers. Next scene one of the constructions workers is at his shack of a home yelling at his fat ugly wife who is hanging up laundry outside. Up sneaks someone in a camouflage outfit wearing a black motorcycle helmet covered in black tape, carrying an air tank on his back and holding a nail gun. End result, everyone ends up full of nails. Next scene, gratuitous nudity shot of chick with fake tits trying to have morning sex in bed with her man. He tells her he promised a friend he would help cut down trees and leaves. Note to self, men are idiots in this movie. Guys are out cutting trees, one guy goes to take a piss and who should show up driving a beat up old tan colored hearse? Our friend the nail gun maniac. Shoots the guy right in the dick. Bam, nailed it. Other one winds up full of nails as well and winds up cutting his own hand off with a chain saw in the process.
And so the cycle goes. Introduce new construction worker characters, enter nail gun man to finish them off. Meanwhile the dumb as nails sheriff in this one horse town and a doctor who dresses in the highest of 80s urban fashion driving a black sports car around, who seems to know more of whats going on then the sherif does, are trying to track down the killer. It's pretty obvious it is only one of two people so there is not much of a mystery going on here. Basically we are just watching to see people get stuck with nails. They never show nails flying out and hitting people because, well you, know, no budget. So what we are left with is just the after effect of bloody people full of nails. Did you know it takes sometimes only two nails to be shot into someone to kill them. And these nails don't even go all the way in, they are all half sticking out of the bodies.
Made cheaply during the height of the VHS boom, this was Terry Lofton's only movie and from the acting in it, many of the actors and actresses first time in front of a camera as well. Entertaining enough if you are a fan of grade Z films. The sheriff drives around in a regualr car, probably because the budget did not allow for a real cop car, the director's grandmother stood in for a scene when the supposed actress did not show up. Blood, nudity, bad acting, pretty much everything you could want in a movie. Gets a little monotonous at times with every scene pretty much being the same just with different people. It all ends with nail gun man being chased by the sheriff and runs up a piece of machinery in a construction site and when he gets to the top, he has nowhere to go so he just falls off to his death. A little anti climatic but, hey at 85 minutes long they had to end this movie at some time. The worst movies are boring movies, so by those standards you have to chalk up Nail Gun Massacre in the win column.
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