13 Nights of Halloween Horror part 14 - Prevenge

31 Nights of Halloween Horror - Night 28 -Parasite

Parasite
85 mins.
Dir. Charles Band
USA/1982

One may think that I only watch 31 films and discuss all of them with you.  The truth of the matter is since some of these movies I am seeing for the first time I don’t always know what to expect.  Sometimes these movies are so bad that I cannot consciously write about them and have you waste your time reading something that is so pointless it is just a waste of everyone’s time.  I would rather have you watch good movies then to have to avoid the really bad ones.  Parasite is one of those movies, so if you are indeed reading this that means I am running out of time, and this movie screwed up my schedule and I don’t have time for a make-up movie.

Had I known I wouldn’t have watched Parasite for 31 Nights of Halloween Horror because it is honestly more of a sci-fi movie, than horror, but there is a creature in it and there is some gore.  It is most noted as being Demi Moore’s first starring role, but it also featured Cherie Currie singer of the Runaways in a small almost non-speaking part.

So, in this post-apocalyptic shit fest from Charles (has never made a good movie my entire career) Band of Full Moon fame, in the futuristic ray gun year of 1992 the world is run by a corporation called the Merchants. Dr. Paul Dean played by someone who looks like Jeff Goldblum but is not is on the run from The Merchants, he developed a parasite for.  He has stolen the parasite in a cylindrical tube as well as having a parasite stuck in his gut.  Driving out in the barren desert wasteland he comes across a hotel and wholes up there to try and find a cure for himself to kill the parasite.  But of course, in these apocalyptic times of the 90s the world is crawling with gangs of evil-doers and they hassle not Jeff Goldblum for no reason and steal his cylinder containing the parasite.

In comes Demi Moore, a lemon farmer in the desert which really pertains to nothing in the story, who helps not Jeff Goldblum recover.  Meanwhile the apocalyptic gang of evil doers get the canister open and out pops the parasite which is a worm like creature with a lot of teeth, that is credited to being created by Stan Winston, and latches onto the chest of one of the throw away characters in the gang.  Not being able to get it off him, the gang goes in search of not Jeff Goldblum.  But they aren’t the only ones looking for him.  Someone from The Merchant is also on the hunt for not Jeff Goldblum and drives around in a space age car from the future which is just a black Lamborgini.

In the end with the help of Demi Moore, not Jeff Goldblum figures out a way to kill the parasites in the same way that they kill the creatures in A Quiet Place.  Despite a couple hysterically cheesy gore scenes, Parasite is such an amateur shit show, it only needs to be seen to be believed how bad it is.  I am sure even in its original run in 3-D, it could not be saved.  It was almost entertaining in its cheap campiness and luckily not too boring to make this travesty completely unwatchable.  Demi Moore does a fine job as an upcoming actress, she certainly is not a stand out by any means though, but with this crew, she certainly seems to be.  So more sci-fi then horror really and really only worth the watch if you want to torture yourself.