31 Nights of Halloween Horror - Night 5 - Splinter
Splinter
82 mins
Dir. Toby Wilkins
USA/2008
Nothing new going on here, a story as old as time that we have seen many times before, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Tonight we are going to watch a solid simple monster movie and learn what to do if you get a splinter.
Opening scene, some hillbilly backwoods gas station attendant is sitting out in front of a gas station. He hears a noise behind him. When he goes to investigate he is attacked by some kind of twisted animal creature. Cut to Seth and Polly, they are out camping for their anniversary. Seth is a science nerd who is incapable of changing a tire let alone putting together a pop up tent. Polly wears the man pants in the relationship and is the more rugged outdoorsy type. When dipshit Seth rips the tent trying to assemble it, they decide they need to go fuck in a hotel instead and try camping again next year. Cut to Blake and Lacey, they are on the run from the law for murder. Their get away car breaks down on the side of the road and they have to hoof it to Mexico. But lo and behold who unfortunately should drive by and get stuck giving them a ride unwillingly, our pals Seth and Polly. And of course where do they end up? That's right, say it with me, the gas station where hillbilly backwoods gas station attendant got attacked.
Lacey is the first to go when she tries to use the bathroom and it turns out hillbilly backwoods gas station attendant is in there all twisted, re-animated and splintered up. He runs out and attacks her, she gets mauled and when everyone else sees what happens they run into the gas station convenience store and lock themselves in. But is Lacey really dead? Blake is pretty sure he saw her move, so he goes out to investigate, but yeah.....she is now a fucked up contorted mess and re-animates back into action. Blake run back into the store and Lacey follows, they slam the door shut, but not before trapping some of her hand inside which breaks off and is now running inside the store with them. This is where science nerd Seth springs into action with his biology degree and begins to decipher how this organism operates.
Like I said a simple monster movie, a tired old tale of people barricaded inside a building while the threatening monster lurks outside trying to get in. We have seen this tale a hundred times with almost every monster movie made since Night of the Living Dead if not before even. But it works, the cast is solid in this film, when the camera isn't all jumpy and we can actually see the creature, it looks pretty cool. Want a simple monster movie this season where you don't have to think too much and just be entertained? Splinter may be for you. It has nothing really new to offer, but it isn't a bad movie either. It is just there to entertain you so we will leave it at that. No convoluted explanations of where this thing came from or what it is. It's just there, it wants to attack you, deal with it. Just be careful the next time you get a splinter, and it's black, and it slowly starts to spread black veins from where you got infected. And for god sake if someone looks dead, just assume they are and chalk it up as a loss. Don't try and go and help them.
Splinter
82 mins
Dir. Toby Wilkins
USA/2008
Nothing new going on here, a story as old as time that we have seen many times before, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Tonight we are going to watch a solid simple monster movie and learn what to do if you get a splinter.
Opening scene, some hillbilly backwoods gas station attendant is sitting out in front of a gas station. He hears a noise behind him. When he goes to investigate he is attacked by some kind of twisted animal creature. Cut to Seth and Polly, they are out camping for their anniversary. Seth is a science nerd who is incapable of changing a tire let alone putting together a pop up tent. Polly wears the man pants in the relationship and is the more rugged outdoorsy type. When dipshit Seth rips the tent trying to assemble it, they decide they need to go fuck in a hotel instead and try camping again next year. Cut to Blake and Lacey, they are on the run from the law for murder. Their get away car breaks down on the side of the road and they have to hoof it to Mexico. But lo and behold who unfortunately should drive by and get stuck giving them a ride unwillingly, our pals Seth and Polly. And of course where do they end up? That's right, say it with me, the gas station where hillbilly backwoods gas station attendant got attacked.
Lacey is the first to go when she tries to use the bathroom and it turns out hillbilly backwoods gas station attendant is in there all twisted, re-animated and splintered up. He runs out and attacks her, she gets mauled and when everyone else sees what happens they run into the gas station convenience store and lock themselves in. But is Lacey really dead? Blake is pretty sure he saw her move, so he goes out to investigate, but yeah.....she is now a fucked up contorted mess and re-animates back into action. Blake run back into the store and Lacey follows, they slam the door shut, but not before trapping some of her hand inside which breaks off and is now running inside the store with them. This is where science nerd Seth springs into action with his biology degree and begins to decipher how this organism operates.
Like I said a simple monster movie, a tired old tale of people barricaded inside a building while the threatening monster lurks outside trying to get in. We have seen this tale a hundred times with almost every monster movie made since Night of the Living Dead if not before even. But it works, the cast is solid in this film, when the camera isn't all jumpy and we can actually see the creature, it looks pretty cool. Want a simple monster movie this season where you don't have to think too much and just be entertained? Splinter may be for you. It has nothing really new to offer, but it isn't a bad movie either. It is just there to entertain you so we will leave it at that. No convoluted explanations of where this thing came from or what it is. It's just there, it wants to attack you, deal with it. Just be careful the next time you get a splinter, and it's black, and it slowly starts to spread black veins from where you got infected. And for god sake if someone looks dead, just assume they are and chalk it up as a loss. Don't try and go and help them.
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