31 Nights of Halloween Horror - Night 19 - Blood Fest




Blood Fest
92 mins.
Dir. Owen Egerton
2018/USA

Quite simply – Shit Fest would be more appropriate.



Imagine the dumbest movie you can, I have that beat.  In what tries to be a homage to horror film fans, becomes an ultimate cliché that is excruciatingly painful to watch.  This is what happens when you mix Scream and Cabin in the Woods with Rob Zombie’s 31 and stir it together with a shit filled spoon.  It’s tries to wink at the camera with its self-awareness of horror clichés, but ultimately fails in every aspect.  This one kind of makes you want to watch the Banana Splits movie again.

Blood Fest is essentially the name of a theme park that is only open on Halloween night.  Kind of like a Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights.  But in essence the coordinator of it all has all the attractions and “actors” literally kill the patrons so he can film it all and use the footage in a movie.  So how does our fucktard cast make their way to Bore Fest?


Our story opens on Halloween night many years ago as a young Dax is watching Bela Lugosi’s White Zombie with his mother.  She goes into the kitchen and is attacked by a masked intruder.  Young Dax discovers the body when Dad bursts in and shoots the intruder dead.  Flash forward to today, young Dax is a teenager and despite his childhood trauma, he has grown up to love horror films, he works in a video store with his nerdy friends, one being the fat Asian kid from the new Spider-Man movies.  What are a bunch of horror nerds to do on Halloween?  Why go to Dumb Fest of course.  But Dad doesn’t allow Dax to go, because after his wife was murdered, he is on a crusade to rid the world of horror films.  In one of the many useless parts in the movie, Dad takes Dax’s Lame Fest tickets away only for Dax to get into the event anyway so what was the point?

From here the movie has our group of idiots running from one cliché to the next being attacked by practical and CGI gore and blood, but nothing outrageous or worth noting.  When you are yawning at the effects in a movie that is showcasing effects, you know there is a big problem.  They try for a big twist ending, in which case you are just like, uh ok.  And here I couldn’t think this movie could get any less interesting.  I bet if you think hard enough by what little I said you can guess who the real mastermind behind Yawn Fest is.



Taking another bullet for the team here.  You are welcome.  Avoid this one at all costs unless you are a masochist.  You are much better off watching H.G. Lewis’ Blood Feast instead.  Add one little letter to the title and you have a whole different, much better movie.



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