31 Nights of Halloween Horror - Night 5 - Tonight She Comes

Tonight She Comes

84 mins.

Dir. Matt Stuertz

2016/USA

You are going to have to try and follow me on this one, because the story doesn’t make much sense and is all over the place. Not that it is like a bizarre Mandy kind of story, but it’s like this movie was made up as they went a long and stuff is random with no explanation.  Like a good story with good characters?  Change the channel.  Like drinking blood out of chalice, and I don’t mean sexy blood chalice drinking, I mean, black clotted going to vomit as soon as it touches my lips blood chalice drinking.  Buckle up, because Tonight She Comes.

Movie opens by saying “The movie should be played loud…as hell.”  I watched it normal volume and had no problems, so use your own discretion.  From there we go to a girl running frantically in the woods.  Seems pretty familiar, countless horror films have opened up this way.  So familiar in fact I started to second guess if I have already watched this film before.  But apparently she is pregnant or something is growing inside her that she doesn’t want so she stabs her stomach up with a shard of glass.  Nope did not see this movie.  And that is that end of that.  We never hear about this again.

From there we head into annoying territory as we meet our cast.  James is a part time mailman who for whatever reason, feels he needs to hand deliver a letter to this girl named Kristy.  Not sure why, I don’t know I didn’t quite catch that part.  His buddy Pete seems to have an uncontrollable urge to masturbate all the time.  James heads to this cabin that I guess Kirsty is supposed to live at or something, but she is not home so he decides to take a nap in a hammock.  Pete wonders into the woods and discovers two of our other annoying characters Ashley and Lyndsey who are frolicking around in bikinis on the beach trying to pull each other’s bathing suits off, as we imagine girls do when they are alone.

Ashley and Lyndsey are supposed to meet Kirsty at the cabin that just happens to be where part-time Mailman James is sleeping.  They decide they are just going to hang out and drink together and wait to see if Kirsty shows up.  Meanwhile after Pete is done masturbating to Ashley and Lyndsey, he stumbles upon a naked dead girl in the woods that just happens to be Kirsty.  But is she really dead?  Looked like it, but I guess not dead enough to stay dead.  After too much annoying time with our dipshit cast naked now covered in blood and dirt Kirsty comes walking up to the cabin.

Up until this point we have just been dealing with horrendous dialogue, unrealistic characters and a story with not much of an explanation.  Once Kristy gets into the picture we now have horrendous dialogue, unrealistic characters, a story with not much explanation and buckets of blood.  What’s left of our dipshit cast is now on the run from Kristy, and are saved by a couple of hillbilly’s that happen to pop up, either they were living in the cabin everyone was trying to get into or they ran to another house, I don’t know, nothing is too clear on what’s going on in this movie.  Anyway, these aren’t your average hillbillies, these are satanic hillbillies or something.  Not really sure what the purpose of the rest of this story is, but the hillbillies are trying to keep Kirsty away and they need the blood from our dipshit cast and then they all need to drink the blood and pour it into pentagram or something.  I don’t know, I really think this movie was made up as it went along.  But there is blood a plenty, people cutting themselves, drinking blood, blood clotting, period blood, people dying from losing too much blood.  Blood abounds folks. 

So how does this all end?  Would you believe me if I tell you a full grown woman crawls out of a vagina?  This may seem like a must see movie, and maybe it is, at least for the end.  But it doesn’t come without a price.  The acting, dialogue and character development is really tough to sit through.  In the gore department there are plenty chunks to spew.  Writer, director, editor Matt Stuertz could definitely use a lot of help in the writing department and some assistance in editing, but overall the look of the movie wasn’t bad.  With a more legitimate story and dialogue, this movie actually could have had potential.  So what is lacked in substance it certainly made up for with the red stuff, so it has that going for it.